Wednesday, October 13, 2004
even though i'm already 20... but i feel as if i'm still a 13 year old girl... still as immature as before...
the reason being... i'm now a teacher... and should be responsible for the students well-being... and should impart right virtues and whatever my teachers used to teach me.... but somehow... instead of doin that... i'm somehow on their side... perhaps... i don't want to be hated... and children hate it when we interfere in their businesses... and i want to be seen as a "nice'' teacher by being on their side... but somehow... i guess all these backfired... because instead of respecting me... they actually went over my head... and... this came from the teachers who said it themselves... that the kids will go over our heads if we're too nice to them... but somehow... in my mind... i'm still thinking that they will respect me too even if i do not scold them as much... even though i'm fully aware of the fact that they indeed have no respect for me... and i know that i'm in a very dangerous position here... i seriously hope that my way of teaching them will make them respect me... but... i know no matter how hard i try... i'm just wasting my time... and there's nothin much i can do here...
actually... i did not intend to write all of the above... but anyways... my main concern now is of whether i'm capable of becoming a successful or even near successful person... or will i stuck in low rank jobs forever...
all i know is that i have this mental block that i'll never be able to get things done well enough... i'm never good at anything other than day-dreaming and sleep and eat... and i hate myself for being that way... but somehow... i don't have what it takes to become a better person... and i think i'm being too lazy and laziness is what's going to kill me in the end...
the reason being... i'm now a teacher... and should be responsible for the students well-being... and should impart right virtues and whatever my teachers used to teach me.... but somehow... instead of doin that... i'm somehow on their side... perhaps... i don't want to be hated... and children hate it when we interfere in their businesses... and i want to be seen as a "nice'' teacher by being on their side... but somehow... i guess all these backfired... because instead of respecting me... they actually went over my head... and... this came from the teachers who said it themselves... that the kids will go over our heads if we're too nice to them... but somehow... in my mind... i'm still thinking that they will respect me too even if i do not scold them as much... even though i'm fully aware of the fact that they indeed have no respect for me... and i know that i'm in a very dangerous position here... i seriously hope that my way of teaching them will make them respect me... but... i know no matter how hard i try... i'm just wasting my time... and there's nothin much i can do here...
actually... i did not intend to write all of the above... but anyways... my main concern now is of whether i'm capable of becoming a successful or even near successful person... or will i stuck in low rank jobs forever...
all i know is that i have this mental block that i'll never be able to get things done well enough... i'm never good at anything other than day-dreaming and sleep and eat... and i hate myself for being that way... but somehow... i don't have what it takes to become a better person... and i think i'm being too lazy and laziness is what's going to kill me in the end...
i look upon the moon and stars at 10/13/2004 08:57:00 AM
Comments 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon
Comments 0 stars were shining bright even without the moon